s p a c e .

Separation anxiety is an intense battle with yourself. It’s one instinct fighting the other.

It’s loud.

Separation anxiety is the body’s need to turn away, to simply walk home or say goodnight. And the minds constant interruption every step of the way.

Within the same breath that you’ve said goodbye; openly made up your mind the unwanted panic begins to set in. A decision once strong, mere seconds ago, now quakes in its boots. No longer able to stand for itself, regardless of any rhyme or reason. It’s weak.

“But what if this is it, what if you can’t come back”

“What if between now and tomorrow things end”

“No, you can’t leave, look at what you are leaving, what could be better than this?”

“You don’t want to leave really”

“wait“

The ferocious whispers in your head that make your foundations quake, stomach ache and palms clammy. It means not being further than reaching distance of your phone, just in case, and insuring its on loud or at the very least the vibrate strong enough to shake the surface it rests on.

It calls for tears with one hand on the doorknob, or shallow breathing as you sit alone. It’s a fast paced heart and sleepy eyes, a body a-wash with adrenaline which aches for rest. It’s everything, all at once.

It is worse case scenario, dead-in-a-ditch level worry. It’s finding fear in fearless situations and pulling worry from thin air. It’s an intense panic built on the foundation of care. In a world were caring too much does more damage to the self than to not care at all.

It’s not being needy, or incapable of personal space. Sometimes all you truly want/need is personal space and yet your body or mind, or body and mind makes that nearly impossible.

And sometimes… it’s not.

Somedays you can flee from any scene with ease; you can strip yourself of others without a care. You remain alone for hours and think nothing of it, those days are your days. Within these days, no matter how long it lasts, you have space. Space to grow and heal; to find yourself again. To find the you without panic, wide eyes and an untimely heartbeat.

Your days, are entirely yours. To be felt in the way both body and mind intends; within all the realms of comfort.

Anxiety, as we all know, extends beyond this very small depiction. It is vast, and, individually, we all experience it in many different ways. This is a minute portion of mine.

And in any time of distress, where you are overcome with anxiety or worry I would highly recommend Calm.com

I say this without meaning to sound like an ad, its simply the tool I use to separate my anxious self from my regular self. If by mentioning it I could help any of you reading this, that would be well worth sounding like an advertisement!

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