h e l l o , a n x i e t y .

Anxiety is widely known today. Most of us, at some point, experience some form of anxiety and it can be quite tricky to overcome.

For those whom don’t know, in itself, anxiety is a form of fight or flight reaction. When we find ourselves in uncomfortable situations our brains go through a process of deciding how to cope. Sometimes this process gets muddled and a series of things can occur:

p h y s i c a l r e a c t i o n s : shortness of breath, butterflies, increased heart rate, hot flushes, sweaty palms, nausea, dizziness, headaches, shaking, dry mouth etc.

p y s c h o l o g i c a l r e a c t i o n s : restlessness, feelings of dread, constant feeling of being ‘on edge’, difficulty concentrating, irritability, increased worrying etc.

Anxiety can look like so many things, beyond the lists above, and sometimes you can’t see it at all. We all experience it in so many varied ways that it almost seems wrong that they all fall under one label.

The causes/triggers of our anxiety varies from person to person. It can be common fears such as big crowds or loud spaces or curated from personal trauma or previous negative experiences. Either way, understanding our own individual anxieties helps us to manage them.

My biggest anxieties are triggered by/revolve around:

Driving, large social situations, certain environments involving drinking (clubs etc.), walking/sitting in front of large groups and any kind of confrontation.

I came across a quote recently that summed up my personal experience of anxiety perfectly:

I am telling you, anxiety is always feeling like something is out of place, and when you can’t find what it is you start to think it’s you.

Rachel h

I found that the unsettled feeling in your stomach and the weight on your chest is perfectly summed up in this quote. Anxiety leaves you searching for the thing to put it right; in an overwhelming panic to restore stability and when you cant find it, you feel out of place and the cycle of panic becomes never-ending.

g o i n g f o r w a r d :

Although anxiety can feel incredibly lonely just know that for there to be so much information on it others must have been where you are now. The understanding we have comes from a place of knowing, you share that with many other people so you are never truly alone.

Despite being unable to ever compare one hurt to another we can find common ground. Speak to those around you, you’d be surprised how much we can empathise and relate to one-another.

Search for your of serenity. There are multiple ways to work with and conquer your anxiety so have a look at the options, test the water and see what works for you.

  • Explore the endless apps made to help monitor and settle stress and anxiety.
  • Consider therapy through animals, having something to take care of can be a great distraction in times of stress.
  • Create your safe space, filled with/doing whatever you love best and keep that time just for you to unwind.

Find your human, someone you feel comfortable opening up to. Let them into the ongoings of your anxiety and give them the information they need to support you.

Have a cup of tea, because there are very few problems a cup of tea can’t help.

x

p r e p f o r s e c o n d y e a r .

I am now just days away from returning to university for my second year; some of you may be back already or perhaps have just started today! If so I hope you’ve all had a steady start back and if its your very first day of university feel free to read through my post about the first year to gain access to all of my top tips.

Being so close to my first day back I wanted to do a post covering all the things I have done to prepare. Everything I cover in this blog post I have done to, hopefully, achieve a stress-free return to study. For every course the demands of your first day/week back will be completely different and the ways which universities arrange themselves varies. These tips are specific to the preparation for mine however I hope they can be flexible to work for many.

S u c c e s s i s w h e r e p r e p e r a t i o n

a n d o p p o r t u n i t y m e e t .

t i m e t a b l e :

Before you can start preparing you have to know what is it you are preparing for. Get a good look at your timetable and see whats coming. From here you can read through your unit guides and prepare for the year ahead.

e q u i p m e n t : 

Make sure you've got everything you need before you head back to university. This year, for example, I really downsized my pencil case due previously relying on my laptop more than paper and pen. 
d e a d l i n e s :

Once you have access to your units/timetable you can find out more information about deadlines. Pin point your important dates and start the countdowns. This will mean much less last minute stress. 
p l a n  a h e a d :

As well as structuring your study and your everyday life, as a student, you have to manage multiple budgets. Using simple planners, such as these pound-land ones, makes that so much easier.

These are simple guidelines to help prepare for your return to study but there are so many other things you can do to help yourself too. If you are someone who worries about what to wear, plan your outfit the night before. It may sound like an obvious tip but it can save a lot of time and early morning aggravation. Make sure to unwind either side of your first day back. Summer is great but having such a long break between studying can make the return that much harder so be patient with yourself, and reward the little things.

I hope you all have a great first day back, or have had a good one already. To those of you just starting university this week, good luck and remember to have fun!

x

s i x s l e e p s u n t i l a u t u m n .

My love of autumn and winter is not dissimilar to my love of Sunday’s and if you’ve stumbled across that post, well, you will know by now just why I love it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the summer time like many others, however there is something, so overwhelmingly, comforting about the cooler seasons.

My pinterest board is the perfect visual representation of the words that are to follow. The rich colours and vibrant feelings all captured in single moments stuck to my board reflecting my love of autumn and winter. If you get a moment to have a look I hope you love it just as much as I do.

And the sun took a step back,

the leaves lulled themselves to sleep

and Autumn was awakened.

Its harsh rainfall, and bitter winds that crack your lips and dry your skin. The bliss tucked beneath a knitted blanket, cup of tea in hand and that familiar show on TV. Big, baggy jumpers; big enough for two. Sleeves pulled over your hands to protect your fingers from the chill.

It’s the ultimate start to the end of the year.

An almighty countdown to Christmas; the beginning of the magic.

The wind that whips through ageing trees gives a whole new meaning to cold hands and warm hearts. For there is no other time of year better designed for those whom love, love. It supplies you, both, time to be close and a reason to be closer.

In my eyes these seasons create the most perfect juxtaposition, because in many ways the bitter cold warms you too.

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p h o t o g r a p h y .

My love of photography has been something I have yet to mention on my blog and there is no day like the present.

I started to get into photography whilst studying it at GCSE; what seemed like my only option at the time turned into one of greatest loves. It became the perfect way to freeze the most precious of moments.

I have always been a people watcher, I find the simple uniqueness of individuals awe-inspiring. The unintentional action of daring to be different inspires me in a way I cannot put into words but try endlessly to capture through a lens. Its because of this part of my personality that I fell in love with candid photography. The naturally-unnatural nature of these photos is stunning.

Theres a great sense of power that seeps through photos. With every shadow and highlight there is vivid sound pouring through. One day, when the time comes I aspire to capture the sheer beauty of a maternity shoot and the inner strength of a boudoir shoot. And perhaps, eventually find the courage to do one myself.

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

Dorothea Lange

Since leaving school I have drifted from the complexity of a DSLR and reach more for my iPhone and polaroid camera. Both of these help me capture the featured images for all of my blogs and all of the other moments I keep private.

More often that not, I focus my day-to-day photography on flat-lays. I love the clean-cut simplicity of a birds-eye-view. In one square frame I can capture a table setting, a moment in time and, to those whom lived it, all of the events that came with that one click.

Beyond this style of photography, my interests are endless. I love to play around with depth of field, a simplistic, yet effective, way of altering the way a scene looks. Along side this the use of the rule of thirds to find the maximum potential of the space I want to capture.

There is an inexplainable feeling that comes with the ability to take a photo; to many it probably seems mundane and regular. But I see so far past this, to me, the physical act of incapsulating a moment in time is beyond words. To be able to look back in time, to re-live the senses of that memory is breathtaking.

Captured because one day they will all be memories again.

x

l e t s r u n .

This summer I decided to really dedicate my time to feeling better within myself.

I have attempted to make running apart of my week many times before and always failed but this time I was determined to make it maintainable. As of today I have been running for 3 months and I am just starting to break through the teething problems. Along the way I have realised old mistakes and made new ones but now I am starting to find my rhythm and thought I would share my top tips on getting into running.

  1. g o a l – we all need something to fight for and mainly something to focus us. When it comes to running the easiest way to do this is to set yourself a distance target. I signed up to ‘couch to 5k’ back in June and have not looked back since. I’ve taken it at my own pace and have finally reached the half-way mark and couldn’t be more pleased. It breaks your runs down into running and walking time which changes as the weeks go by. It’s perfect for beginners who struggle with stamina.
  2. c o m p a n y – running can be incredibly rewarding but keeping it fun can be a challenge. Running alongside a friend helps the time pass so quickly especially if you are both starting from scratch together. You can help motivate and push each other to the finish line, plus friendly competition never hurt anyone!
  3. t r a i n e r – before you skip past this point at the thought of paying for a trainer to help you I have a free app which works perfectly for me. ‘East Nine‘ is an interactive app to guide you through your run. Each one is led by a trainer who talks your through the warm up, cool down and intervals of running. All the while encouraging you and reminding you of how much time remains. Not only this but it places you on a live leaderboard with other users so you can see how well you are doing – a great form of motivation.

East Nine, is a great way to focus on your pace which avoids burning out and giving up on your goal. It’s helped guide my runs and make me look forward to the next one, knowing that I can achieve it.

4. f u n – there are so many ways to make running enjoyable and the main way i’ve found is through ‘Zombies, Run’ Despite not having a great interest in Zombies, myself, this app has definitely made time fly on my runs. Its an interactive app, which tracks your run and pace whilst, in a podcast format, tells an ongoing storyline of an apocalypse. Zombies are after you and you have to run! This is a great one for distracting your mind from the ache and burn in your legs and keeping your stamina up.

Despite this post sounding very much like one huge AD, please know that it is not. I simply wanted to share the running apps that have made my venture back into running possible. Hopefully they can help some of you too!

My biggest piece of advice is to celebrate all of the small victories. Just putting your running shoes on and getting out there for even 10-15 minutes is progress. Try to keep all running-related things in your mind positive; it will help to maintain your drive.

Do small things with great love

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s u n d a y .

This may be a bit of an odd one, but I wanted to ramble for a little while about my love of Sundays.

For many it is nothing more than a dreadful reminder that monday will soon be upon us and for others its a day with great depth and religious meaning.

For me, its a day of rest in the sense of self-love and repair. It’s a chance to watch films, and become rested and ready for the week ahead. An entire day dedicated to making your soul happy.

Sundays…

s l e e p until you’re h u n g r y.

e a t until you’re s l e e p y.

Whilst it can be a day of doing nothing it is also the best day to do something. The streets are quiet, shops shut early and the possibilities are endless.

Suddenly there’s time to do all the things you never got round to:

  • get out – take a long walk to clear your head before the busy week begins, venture out and wander aimlessly but be home in time for tea.
  • clean that spot – theres always that one place in your home that is screaming to be sorted, be it the kitchen drawer, the office or the attic this is your chance to tackle it.
  • hang those pictures – the ones you’ve been meaning to find a home; their perfect place on the wall.
  • be courageous – take on something new, or resurrect an old hobby that time forgot; push yourself.
  • ring them – life can move at such a fast pace, and religious or not, I think its important to always remember the people we love so make time for them even if it’s just a five minute phone call
  • host – if, like me, the staple of your Sunday is the roast dinner take time to make it yourself. Fill your home with loved ones and cherish the time together.
  • make a plan – whether it be five years or two, plan for something great. Push yourself to be healthy, to be more aware of your mental health or to simply get out there and experience more. Set yourself a goal.
  • pin-it – scroll through pinterest and put your plans into pictures. Mood-board the things that make you smile; the things that drive and inspire you. Highlight the things that will help you take on Monday.
  • change your sheets – a simple task perhaps but there’s no better feeling than falling into a crisp cool bed on a Sunday night.
  • unplug – pull yourself away from the grasp of social media… it doesn’t understand the concept of a day of rest and recuperation. The buzz of news and drama will still be there tomorrow so spend the last moments of your evening taking in the serenity.

Sundays were made for good coffee, good music and being lazy with the people you love.

x

s p a c e .

Separation anxiety is an intense battle with yourself. It’s one instinct fighting the other.

It’s loud.

Separation anxiety is the body’s need to turn away, to simply walk home or say goodnight. And the minds constant interruption every step of the way.

Within the same breath that you’ve said goodbye; openly made up your mind the unwanted panic begins to set in. A decision once strong, mere seconds ago, now quakes in its boots. No longer able to stand for itself, regardless of any rhyme or reason. It’s weak.

“But what if this is it, what if you can’t come back”

“What if between now and tomorrow things end”

“No, you can’t leave, look at what you are leaving, what could be better than this?”

“You don’t want to leave really”

“wait“

The ferocious whispers in your head that make your foundations quake, stomach ache and palms clammy. It means not being further than reaching distance of your phone, just in case, and insuring its on loud or at the very least the vibrate strong enough to shake the surface it rests on.

It calls for tears with one hand on the doorknob, or shallow breathing as you sit alone. It’s a fast paced heart and sleepy eyes, a body a-wash with adrenaline which aches for rest. It’s everything, all at once.

It is worse case scenario, dead-in-a-ditch level worry. It’s finding fear in fearless situations and pulling worry from thin air. It’s an intense panic built on the foundation of care. In a world were caring too much does more damage to the self than to not care at all.

It’s not being needy, or incapable of personal space. Sometimes all you truly want/need is personal space and yet your body or mind, or body and mind makes that nearly impossible.

And sometimes… it’s not.

Somedays you can flee from any scene with ease; you can strip yourself of others without a care. You remain alone for hours and think nothing of it, those days are your days. Within these days, no matter how long it lasts, you have space. Space to grow and heal; to find yourself again. To find the you without panic, wide eyes and an untimely heartbeat.

Your days, are entirely yours. To be felt in the way both body and mind intends; within all the realms of comfort.

Anxiety, as we all know, extends beyond this very small depiction. It is vast, and, individually, we all experience it in many different ways. This is a minute portion of mine.

And in any time of distress, where you are overcome with anxiety or worry I would highly recommend Calm.com

I say this without meaning to sound like an ad, its simply the tool I use to separate my anxious self from my regular self. If by mentioning it I could help any of you reading this, that would be well worth sounding like an advertisement!

x

h e a l i n g .

I am so sorry for the lack of blogs, I have been struggling with intense writers block. All of my reasons and excuses circle back to this post however.

The process of healing, in all of its forms, is exhausting. It’s long, uncomfortable and vulnerable. And yet every shaky step of the way is worth it.

To heal from anything; any event or moment in time can be intensely revealing. All of a sudden you are emotionally stripped bare, and the only person watching is you. Through this process we measure our own success and failure, as we force our minds over the things that cause us pain.

“Healing is the end of conflict with yourself”

Healing itself comes in so many forms, all relative to the depth of your pain and how much it aches. The scale of pain so vast to compare one to another would be a dishonour to yourself.

P a i n is p a i n .

Like when trying to heal a physical pain, we reach for the fastest methods. Anything to ease the ache and so it is only normal that we would try to rush the emotional kind too. Yet emotional pain is another ball game entirely. It takes time, and sometimes that is the worst bit. After all, if something hurt you why on earth would you want to keep revisiting it? But it is the act of revisiting the pain itself that encourages the healing. Each time your mind places you in a room to face your pain, and as you heal you enter it with more courage. More tactics at hand, and a strong defence at the ready. On the day you stand before the slain dragon and hail yourself a survivor you see the power of healing.

“Instead of begging for the pain to go away, you choose to hear what your pain is begging of you”

If, as you read this, you are healing from something, take time. Take time to settle in your safe space and sit back from all of the pain you’re finding the strength to face. Snuggle into a big duvet or sit and watch the tide go out, whatever it is that brings you peace. Take a moment to achieve it. In the journey to find the unbroken version of ourselves, we fight so hard to heal and forget to breathe. Step back.

Taking a break and finding solace won’t undo your work. To heal we must both face the fear and learn to work with it.

D o n ‘ t R u s h . It takes time returning to yourself.

x

t i m e :

The concept of time is a troubling one, it is no more than a social construct and would have little meaning if not believed in. However, if this is the case, that time is nothing more than a belief, surely we all see it slightly differently. I am thinking about time beyond the restrictions of a clock-face. I am focusing on time in the shape of moments and indentations in our life span.

I believe that we live life running along our own personal timeline. Our timeline itself, something of metaphorical nature with intangible manner, becomes confused when I begin to explain that I believe we constantly move up and down it. For, how can you move along something that cannot be seen or touched?

In simple terms, we are taught to plan for our future. We are told that everything you do today builds something better for your tomorrow. We constantly plan a life for our future selves, with the intent of making our past self proud. This means that we live in the present whilst simultaneously providing for our future.

From as young as primary school, you were introduced to writing letters to yourself in year 6. You would ask endless questions and perhaps give words of wisdom, and then wait until you finally got to open them again. At the point of writing them your interest is in the future, the you 5 years down the line. But at the point of opening them you obsess over the unruly handwriting of little you, and revel in the mindset of the person you used to be.

“s o m e w h e r e there is a past you overflowing with so much p r i d e looking at how far you have come”

Imagine that there is a version of you from each stage of life frozen in time:

  1. You on your first birthday
  2. First day at school
  3. Turning 16
  4. Learning to drive
  5. Turning 18
  6. University
  7. First job
  8. Moving out

etc.

We live today to try and provide for ourselves in each stage of life, even if we are no where near it yet.

We attend university to: obtain a degree, to improve rate of future employability, to give our future self more choice and to increase the amount in our future bank. And yet in the moment you are simply studying a subject you enjoy, working a part time job and just figuring out the now.

It’s a confusing concept I suppose, trying to live in the moment, but also prepare the best tomorrow for ourselves. And yet we do it all the time.

Our movements up and down our timeline are hidden in the blissful moments. When you’ve had your first baby and reach for your own photo albums to see who they look like most, or take a guess at who they will grow up to be. In that one capsule of time you are fixed in the present with one arm in the past and one reaching into the future and yet it all occurs in one serene moment.

It can be a simple as imaginary play at the age of nine, wishing that you were twenty. Your mind is already racing ahead to another stage of life imagining what you look like there and yet at that point we could never know. But that doesn’t stop us doing it.

We are forever bouncing through time exploring the moments that have occurred, are occurring and are yet to occur.

Time truly is a funny concept.

x

p i c k t h r e e .

From the many teachings of primary school I can vividly remember one activity in particular.

Picture this –

“You are going to a desert island, never to return, and you can only take three things. What do you take?”

I am sure the general intent of this was to make us more aware of what is needed to survive. To make us step out from materialistic comforts and think logically, but at a young age of course your three things would be what meant most at that time…

  • Nintendo DS + charger (hoping that if you say it fast enough it counts as one thing)
  • Teddy
  • Favourite snack

Because why, at that age, would you consider the importance of clean water when surrounded by an ocean? Or think to pack seeds to attempt to grow sustainable food when you’ve already considered that one, very special, snack?

After all, you are only sat in a classroom… you’re not actually going to a desert island so why waste a space on the list. You treasure them, as you would treasure three wishes granted by a genie.

Like most things introduced to us at a young age, as adults we assume it comes with a much deeper meaning. Perhaps, however, it doesn’t at all, maybe as you grow you just loose the beauty of imagination – too concerned with the possibility of the event occurring and actually having to choose.

Consider this dilemma today, what would you take?

Is it harder to choose your three things or to finally see how many things you surround yourself with that don’t really matter at all?

It takes much deliberation to pick the three things you need most but a great deal of strength to be rid of ties.

  • Physical – thoughts, things and people.
  • Mental – feelings, habits and barriers.

To make space on your list for something ‘better‘ is to make space in your personal atmosphere. The importance of making time for ourselves and all that we need to flourish is a forgotten art.

So maybe, you do need a few more than three things to survive on an island but what three things do you need to live; what three things fulfil you?

Refering back to a previous post about my literary loves –

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